Bad headache today...little sleep, lot of work..the usual menu.

My colleagues got back from Croatia on Monday. It was a bit hard for me to look at them. So many of them were complaining and questioning why they had to go to Croatia and then came back all fabulously happy. It kind of annoyed me a bit. Here I was, over the moon that I was going to go to Croatia and work, and I was forbidden to go because of my stupid hip. Of course I'm happy for them, but YES, it BITES!!!!

A colleague put up some pictures of facebook from their trip. I looked at one picture and couldn't look anymore. I don't know what's with me? I just can't seem to look at any pictures, somehow they just all remind me of my disease.

Sometimes it clicks to me...in the midst of all my chaos, that I have a disease. It's weird. But maybe that's a good thing. I never want the disease to define who I am or what I am. It's only a part of my development, one stop on the road. I refuse to make it my entire life, and I refuse to let it cripple me into something I'm not and will never be. But it's hard to keep on that trail of thought, sometimes it feels like all I'm dealing with all day long is my disease (phone calls to doctors, researching, reading, pain).

My professor told me something motivating yesterday when I updated her about the situation since we last spoke. She said that the research has shown that people with a need for control, actually have a much better recovery than those who do not. So if that means being a difficult patient, then fine, I'll be a difficult patient. Don't let the disease control me, I control my disease....

YOU HEAR ME LCH...you will NEVER control me...BITCH!!! haha


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