Saying it out loud
So today I told my colleagues about my diagnosis and what's to come. I kind of went through it with my professor beforehand. I felt so calm and confident. But as soon as I walked through that door and sat down, I got a knot in my stomach. Watching everyone stare at me made me realize what I was about to say. My voice was shaking, everyone was focusing.
But they were amazing. Everyone was very supportive and it felt so much better afterwards. I cried for a minute or two, but that was more a reaction to what a dear colleague (and friend) of mine said. She was just being so supportive and in that moment it just hit me I guess, somehow that this is all so real. There will be times when I physically cannot do things on my own. For someone that highly values my independence and has a need for control...well...it's hard.
I've been fine so far. And I'm fine as I write this. But in certain instances, in that particular moment, it just hits me like a star falling from the sky. I'm going to have chemotherapy. I'M GOING TO HAVE CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!
Shit.
Ah well, I'm sure the moment will pass. It always does.
/H
But they were amazing. Everyone was very supportive and it felt so much better afterwards. I cried for a minute or two, but that was more a reaction to what a dear colleague (and friend) of mine said. She was just being so supportive and in that moment it just hit me I guess, somehow that this is all so real. There will be times when I physically cannot do things on my own. For someone that highly values my independence and has a need for control...well...it's hard.
I've been fine so far. And I'm fine as I write this. But in certain instances, in that particular moment, it just hits me like a star falling from the sky. I'm going to have chemotherapy. I'M GOING TO HAVE CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!
Shit.
Ah well, I'm sure the moment will pass. It always does.
/H
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