One Week Until My Memory

So I haven't updated in for a while. I've been knocked out. Completely. And on top of that I'm losing more and more sensation in my hands. It's such a weird feeling, it's surreal. So here I am, about a week from today I will turn 28.. I'm not going to pretend like I don't think about it. Not many people can say that they've gone through a life altering experience before their 28th birthday. But then I think about it, and I think that's a ridiculous thought. SO MANY PEOPLE have gone through life altering experiences before their 28th birthday. In fact, a LOT of people don't even get to turn 28. Maybe I'm just comparing myself to people in my proximity.

Most people I know, are either married, getting married, have children, getting children, buying apartments/houses, already have bought an apartment/house. Others are travelling the world. Some are falling inlove. Some have been divorced and have even had time to remary. A lot are developing within their careers. But then...

Then there are other people. There's so much we think we know about people's lives, but we have no idea. Some have lost loved one's way too early. Other's have had miscarraiges or simply cannot have children. Some might feel like their lives are crumbling around them for various reasons. Some people still don't know what they want to do with their lives (not that one has to.) Some people don't even get to live to their 28th birthdays. Some people have lived some really crappy lives and turning 28 doesn't make it any brighter. Many people around the world, know nothing else but suffering, misery, and unhappiness.

My point is that it's so easy to forget, even in my own context, that yes it's shit, yes it's not the ideal way to celebrate my 28th birthday, yes, I will always remember that I celebrated my 28th birthday batteling my disease, yes, it is upsetting...but you know what? It is what it is. I'm here now and there's not much else I can do about it. You know why? Because, on my 29th birthday, this will be a memory. On my 35th birthday, this will be a memory. On my 60th birthday...this will be a memory. 

My point is that it's so easy to sit and self-wollow when we're going through things. And sometimes, it's needed. But I think it's also important to remind oneself about all the good and fortunate things one has been given in life. I don't want to look back at this time and remember a dark and horrible time. I know I've gone through a lot..A LOT A LOT...probably more than most people I know...or less...what the fuck DO I KNOW???!!! But what I DO know is that I have the strength, the capacity, the energy, the passion, and the will in me to make sure this ISN'T my LIFE!!! This is just a PART of a my life, a PART of the journey, a PART of my experience, a PART of who I am and will become. I want to look back on this time and realize how much I gained from this experience, how much I grew and developed, how much I matured, how it changed a positive light. Going through this experience, regardless of what age I could have been or would have a life experience. PERIOD! 

This is my life now. 28 or not. I'm proud and happy. And frankly, I refuse to define my life according to where everyone else is in theirs...or at least I'm trying NOT to haha. 

Right, I can't breathe through my nose so perhaps I should do something about that before I suffocate myself.


Postat av: F

wow! great for you darling! and yes, you're right, this disease is only a part of your life, it's only visiting for a while and then going back to wherever it came from (or something like that, hahaha..) and never returning! xxx

2011-10-18 @ 09:48:51

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